Sneaking a Look at Bella's Diary
by lbj
Summary: Edward is in Bella's room one night when he sees her journal sticking out from under her pillow. He begins to read....find out what happens. Between Twilight and New Moon. EPOV.
1. Chapter 1

I sat in Bella's room as I watched her sleep. She was so peaceful, so quiet; it took my breath away every time I looked at her. I watched her as she turned over in her sleep trying to become more comfortable.

Bella was talking to herself about school. I understood a few words, but the rest were incomprehensible. I heard my name mentioned a few times in each sentence. Every time I heard her whisper my name, I felt as though my dead heart could come alive again.

Once or twice she mentioned Mike Newton's name, which made me scowl, but I was mentioned many times more so I was okay with it.

Bella turned to her side. I saw a corner of something navy blue sticking out from under her pillow. I looked at her. I could get it out without her noticing, she wasn't much of a light sleeper, but I wasn't sure if that would be snooping too much.

I felt my hand move towards it slowly not out of my free will. If Bella found out she would very mad that I was snooping through her stuff. Then again, there was no way she could find out unless she seduced me into telling her.

Knowing Bella, that was very likely a possibility. I would easily cave in if she asked.

I pulled the navy blue thing out from under her pillow with vampire speed. I kept my eyes on Bella. She didn't even flinch. I heard her mumble something about my sister and I decided I was safe.

I looked down at the object I was holding. It was a journal. The term diary would be too feminine for this book. It was plain and looked like she tossed it around in her room several times.

I opened it up to the first page. Her messy scrawl adorned the page. It was written in black ink. As I flipped through the book I saw that she switched from pen to pencil at random times.

Bella could be very spontaneous. I smiled and tried to suppress a laugh so not to wake my angel up. She was so cute.

I thought about reading it. It couldn't hurt too much. I have read everyone else's thoughts and I have very little sense of privacy. Bella was always editing her thoughts, so perhaps by reading this I could get to know her a bit better.

Although, I bet that she would be furious if she found out. Not that she could do anything about it with me being a vampire and her being so delicate and frail. She was as breakable as a china doll, but she was far more beautiful.

I began to read, glancing up at her every now and again to make sure she still was sleeping.

_January 17, 2005 (on the plane)_

_Renee gave me this thing to write down my 'inner-most secrets and desires' in. It is so stupid. I doubt that I will keep writing in this after a week. The only reason I am writing in this is because I am unbelievably bored._

_I am on the plane to go to Forks, Washington. It is perhaps the most dreary and depressing place in the universe. I think there have been a grand total of five sunny days in one year at maximum._

_I have to leave my mother though. Not that she is annoying me or anything like that, but she needs some time alone. Well, somewhat alone._

_She has Phil now, and I sure don't want to walk in on my mom kissing or doing anything else with him. Not that he isn't a great guy, but he is married to my mom. Gross._

_I think that if I leave Renee will be happier. Besides, I haven't seen Charlie (mental note to self: in Forks call him dad) for ages. He probably is lonely stuck in a place as drab as Forks all alone._

_I want to sleep but I can't on the plane. I don't like to sleep while traveling. It sometimes scares me. I mean, what if I wake up and I am in a totally different place and have missed something? Like I forget to get off of the plane and I am on a new flight._

_Not that that could happen. The flight attendant would wake me up…but still, I love to worry._

_Renee says that I act like the adult. Actually, sometimes I feel like I am older than my mom. I know that I am probably worrying more about her than she is worrying about me. She is the one who always forgets the laundry or to buy groceries. I am the responsible one._

_My hand is cramped and my eyes hurt from trying to see my handwriting in the dark. I might as well turn off my light and pretend to sleep so that the flight attendant won't hiss at me to go to sleep._

I looked up at Bella. She was still sleeping soundly. I dared to turn the page to the next entry.


	2. Chapter 2

_Tuesday, (My first day of school at Forks) January 18__th_

_I am here and officially in Forks. As expected, Forks has remained the same as I left it. It is still boring and damp. The high school here is small and everyone stared at me. _

_The guys at this school are very weird. At my old school I was as close to invisible as you could be without disappearing. Here I am almost, dare I say it, popular._

_I bet it will rub off in a few days though. I am just the new kid at the school. I am the exciting attraction and the gossip of the day. The only reason they are looking at me is because I am new. When they realize that I am drabber than this place, they will quickly back away._

_Anyways, I not even the most exciting new kid here. There were these gorgeous group of teenagers sitting away from everyone. They belong on the cover of magazines, not here in Forks. I can only imagine the gossip they created if people are talking about me._

_The auburn haired one sat next to me in Biology…well actually I sat next to him. It is a fact, he hates me. That is the only way I can say it. And no, I am not exaggerating. He loathes me to the core._

_His eyes, which I could have sworn were are dark gold color, were black in Biology. I couldn't stop thinking about him during the whole hour. He obviously was anxious to get away from me because when class ended he dashed out of the room at a speed I didn't think was humanly possible. _

_His name is Edward Cullen. Even his name is out of place at this school. It is old fashioned and from a different era. Why am I still thinking about his face…his eyes? Yuck, I am sitting here sighing about a guy I just met like some lovesick teenager. That is very unlike me. I pride myself in being sensible, not fickle._

_Mike seems very nice to me though. He was very kind in gym when he saved my life from a tennis ball headed straight at me. _**(note: I have no idea what they played in gym that day so just go with it) **_Already, the class senses that I am a danger magnet. _

_The people in the office are nice too. I already forgot the secretary lady's name, but she was very kind to me. I saw Edward there trying to change schedules. I know that he probably just had an issue with something else, but I thought that he was trying to avoid me._

_Why is it that the only guy I have ever liked hates me?_

_New subject, I am being vain. Note to self: Must think more deep thoughts than whether or not a boy likes me._

_Charlie is helpless here though. Without me, I mean. He can't cook for his life, and I suspect that for the last few years his main supplement in his diet has been pizza. And not even the good kind either. He most likely has the number for Hungry Howies on speed dial._

_When I cooked him dinner he was so thankful. It must have been the first good food he had eaten in ages._

_Oh, by the way, Charlie gave me a truck! I was going to buy my own because you can't get anywhere in the Midwest without a car but then Charlie surprised me._

_I will have to thank Billy for giving it to him. It ran great this morning considering it is over half a century old._

_After school I unpacked the few objects I brought with me. The room is very nice and Charlie still has the rocking chair in here from when I was a small child. I remember how he used to read me picture books while sitting in that seat._

_My eyes are starting to feel tired. I will put this down for now. I doubt that I will write in it anymore, but still. _

I smiled and looked up at Bella. She was still sleeping comfortably. Her hair was spread out in a halo around her head. She looked like an angel. I doubt that any real angel could be half as beautiful as she was right now.

I fingered one or the curls that was near me on her pillow. I wondered how she could have thought I hated her. Even on that first day I only felt attracted to her. Her blood smelled mouthwatering and like all males that day, I was attracted to her as a woman.

I never hated her, I couldn't. I only hated myself that day. I loathed the monster I had become in her presence.

I softly kissed her cheek.

"I love you" She mumbled in her sleep. "I love you so much, Edward."

I stroked her hair. "I love you too." I breathed too low for her to hear even if she was awake. Bella would never know how much I loved her.

**A/n: Everyone hates authors notes so I will make this short. I am sorry if I can't respond to any review I get, but I am pressed on time as it is. I shouldn't be writing these stories because my finals are approaching. I should be studying. **

**So anyways, I want to thank all of you who reviewed even though I didn't send you each personalized review replies. Sorry. I thought about it and it is the thought that counts, right?**


	3. Chapter 3

I looked at the book and notices some scraps of paper sticking out from the edge of the book in between the page I had just read and the next page. It looked like she had torn out a page.

I held the book towards my face. I could defiantly see the edges of where some page used to be. I wondered why she ripped it out.

I traced my finger along the edges of the fray. I could just imagine Bella ripping out the pages with frustration.

I listened to her rhythmic breathing. She would probably be asleep for another hour at least. I read on.

_Friday (I am still here in Forks)_

_I am so glad that the week is over. It seems like it lasted forever. I feel like the week has been spread out so long just to torture me. Today, Edward wasn't here again. Nothing much has changed since yesterday. Well, one thing did._

_Edward's family has been glaring at me for the whole lunch period like they blamed me for Edwards's disappearance. Well, not all of them, but it sure felt like it. It was mostly the stunning blonde girl. Jessica says her name is Rosalie, but that is such an unusual name. I think that she made it up for herself. Kind of like when I was little and made everyone call me Anastasia for a week after I saw that movie._

_Except Rosalie is not seven years old. She is about seventeen years old._

_Jessica seems to be less cheerful about being by me. I suppose that my presence at the school for almost a week has changed my status from new girl to slightly new girl. It is most likely less cool now for her to be around me._

_Angela seems to be very sweet. Today she helped me to understand math. I hate that subject. It is the one subject I will fail for sure. Somehow she can understand it and is very good at it. I wish I could help her some way in return._

_I doubt that I could though because the only subject I am really good at is English, and you can't really get help in English. Unless she wanted me to help her understand Shakespeare or something, I am useless._

_I am really talentless. Well, I have talents but they are not very attractive. For instance the fact that I can trip over air is pretty astounding. Also, I always attract danger and disaster. I don't even know how many times I have been in the hospital now._

_It probably isn't the greatest thing to have no sense of balance AND attract every danger that is possible. I will probably trip down the stairs and kill myself by falling on a knife or something else that is very pointy._

_I suppose that this could be attractive in a way to overprotective guys. But I am rather opposed to guys doing everything for girls. What ever happened to women being equal? The modern women of today's age have ruined what suffragists fought for._

_I wish I could be brave and bold like a suffragist. Sadly, I am stuck shy and timid. Amazingly, I haven't even cut myself here at Forks yet. (The paper cut I got on my binder doesn't count) It must be a new record. Hopefully I won't jinx it by writing this._

_I should probably go to sleep. I don't really need to though because today is a Friday. I think I will watch a movie or something to distract myself for an hour or so. It is only ten. I can stay up for another hour or so._

**A/N: thanks guys for the luck on the finials. I am amazed at how many people responded to that! I sorry though because I will probably blow them even with all of your luck. I am such a failure at life. On a more positive note….My physics presentation went splendidly today!**

**I will update this soon so that I can get this story over with. I do not like writing this. It is easier to write normal stories. I suck at journals because I have never been able to keep one. I always give up. (wow this a/n is turning out to be about me….not the story. Sorry)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/n: You guys are too complementary and supportive. You wish me good luck on my tests. And then you complement me! I enjoy flames! I can't tell you how much I enjoy someone telling me that I did this this and this all wrong! It helps me to improve!!!!! If people don't tell me specifically what it good and bad about my story, then I don't learn anything! I love to learn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Sorry about my rant….you can read this now.**

_January 25, 2005_

_It is a Monday. Normally Mondays are supposed to be the dullest days of the week, right? Why can't I just have an ordinary day? Even in a place like Forks where nothing happens, I am almost killed._

_Overnight the temperature dropped. The rain that had fallen yesterday turned to ice. I hate ice and cold stuff._

I laughed at Bella's writing. I can just hear her complaining about how much she hates snow. I remember this day now. It was the day that she was almost run over by Tyler's van. My family was furious at me for stepping in, but I couldn't stand if I didn't.

_Charlie put some chains on my tires today to keep them from slipping. I don't know much about cars and stuff like that so I will try not to describe it. I didn't even know that Charlie knew much about vehicles. I thought he was clueless as me. I bet that he put them there because eh knew how easily I slip on nothing. If you put me on ice in an old car…well that could kill all of Forks!_

I smiled and looked at my sleeping angel. She was talking again and she kept saying my name over and over. It didn't sound like a nightmare, but it didn't sound like a pleasant dream either. I went back to reading.

_So, with the aid of some tire chain things, I made it to school alive. A feat for me! Then when I was inspecting Charlie's (I mean my dad, must remember to call him that now) handiwork, Tyler Crowley's van swerved and came at me._

_I don't know what happened then because now it all faded into a blur. I am not sure whether it was some dream I had or reality. Another thing I am not sure of is whether I want to know._

_Edward Cullen was over on one side of the parking lot and then in an instant he was right next to me saving my life. He swears that he wasn't over by his siblings, but I know that he wasn't by me. No one else saw him so I don't have any confirmation._

_I don't think that Edward is normal. Well, I didn't think he was normal before but now I am guessing that he is more paranormal than the rest of us. I wonder what he is. He was sort of like a super hero today by saving me. But then he denied it._

_Even though he may say that he wasn't by his family, I don't believe him. Not that he isn't a good liar. He is amazingly great and if I hadn't seen him by his shiny expensive Volvo I would believe him._

_There is something about him, something that is unbelievably attractive and at the same time pushes you away. It is like he seduces you and shoves you back at the same time. I have never been more confused by a boy in my life._

_When Edward knocked me down to get me out of the way of Tyler's van, he was inhuman. I thought I van saw a mark in the shape of his hand on the van where he had pushed it. He couldn't be that strong. He doesn't look it. His brother Emmett maybe could dent a car like that, but Edward…_

_Tyler was very sweet about almost hitting me. I think that he was far more hurt than I was. I had Edward protecting me and he didn't. I can't even imagine what would happen if Edward hadn't saved me._

She would be dead. I closed my eyes and thought about why I had saved her. She was so beautiful and she just stood there like a dear caught in the headlights of a car about to hit her. She didn't move or scream. She looked slightly scared but not afraid of death. The look on her face was almost determined, like she was expecting death and it finally came.

It somewhat scared me looking at her face, but I couldn't lose her. The second I thought I might lose her I just lost control. Thinking of her dead, lifeless, never to blush again…it was unbearable.

I had seen so many humans die, many from me, but never had I ever wanted to stop a death as much as I did then. If she hadn't met me would she already be dead or would she be safer? Would she be happier if I left her? Would she enjoy a normal life without monsters in it?

I sighed. Even though I thought I knew everything about her, I really knew nothing other than what she told me. She was the only person who could control me. She was the only one who could choose what thoughts to share.

I looked back at the messy writing that was a mix between cursive and regular writing. It was hard to read and it sometimes took me several minutes to decipher her handwriting. I smiled at how untidy her journal looked before continuing reading.

_I only have one bump on my head. It isn't too bad considering that I have gotten stitches for slighter accidents. Edward is perfect as always and doesn't even had dirt on him let alone a scrape. It is unfair how some people can be absolutely perfect._

I snorted. I was far from perfect. Bella had no clue how far from perfect I was.

_Tyler, however, was seriously beaten up. Even though he was bleeding and bruised, he felt an urge to keep apologizing to me and Edward. Telling him we were fine had no effect. _

_I wonder what Edward is…he didn't confirm or deny my questions. He was rather vague actually. I know that everyone has their secrets, but why does he hid his so carefully._

_When I got home Renee called. She totally flipped out. I will have to yell at Charlie tomorrow for telling her. I bet that she will call every day at least once to make sure I am still fine. She is probably beating herself up over letting me go to Forks._

_I am very tired and I need some sleep. It is only nine, but I am exhausted. I must get some shut eye._

The next entry was scribbled haphazardly. I looked like she had written it in the dark and the letters overlapped slightly. I had to squint to make out her writing.

_Dreamed about Edward…more later._

I wondered why she had to write it down. Perhaps she had a dream she didn't want to forget. I can't remember dreaming but from books I have heard that when a person gets a particularly vivid dream, it can go away almost instantly or stay in their head for ages. I wonder if her dream about me was the good kind or a horrible nightmare.

Only Bella could have a happy dream about vampires. Even so, it was more likely that she had a nightmare about me.

**A/n Remember….criticism makes me smile more than a review saying 'you rule' or 'great job'**

**BE AGGRESSIVE! FIND MY MISTAKES!!!!!!!!!!**

**Oh, and thanks for the luck! My grades are going to need it!**


	5. Chapter 5

A/n: Remember…keep an eye out for my mistakes! I learn from when you point them out to me. For instance, this time I will be more careful not to use homonyms wrongly. Thanks for all of your reviews. This is the second most reviews I have every gotten for one story.

Oh and can someone tell me what OOC is?

I looked at Bella as she tossed in her bed. Her dream was transforming into a nightmare. She called out for me in her sleep. I stroked her hair with my ice cold hand trying to calm her. She had broken into a sweat and her forehead was glistening with a light layer of perspiration.

"Edward…no please….Edward!" She started to toss again.

I kissed her lightly and held her in my arms. "It is okay, Bella. I am here. I won't leave you."

"Edward…." She moaned a bit and her restless sleep continued. I had only managed to calm her for a second.

I didn't want to keep reading her journal when she was suffering like this. She looked like she was gradually recovering from the dream, but I didn't want to risk looking away from her.

I slipped her journal back under her pillow before sighing. Sometimes Bella woke up early when she had some dreams. I didn't want her to find me looking through her diary when she wakes. She is pretty cranky in the morning and if she saw me reading through that book…I would be dead.

Rosalie is the only person I know who keeps a diary. Hers is slightly different though because she mostly describes her clothes and other boring stuff. I think she does it because she doesn't want to forget anything. She has issues with not forgetting her past.

A piece of hair had fallen into her eyes and I softly brushed it away with the back of my hand. Her eyes slightly flutter when she sleeps. If I was a human I wouldn't even be able to see it.

I couldn't even remember life as a human. When I was with Bella I found myself acting more human, but I wasn't really one. There were definitely distinct barriers between Bella and me.

She was able to eat human food. I ate the blood of animals. I wondered why she would give up eating rice or whatever so she could suck animal's blood and forever try to restrain from hurting her family and friends. She would have to give up her whole life.

I wondered what she would be as a vampire. Obviously she would be even more beautiful than she is now. I wonder how that would work because right now she was the most beautiful being on earth. I don't think that her skin tone would change too much, but who knows. Her hair would never grow and she would forever be seventeen.

It would be fun to be able to run with Bella. Right now she couldn't keep up with a slow walk with out falling over. If she were changed, would she still be clumsy? I would be very sad if I didn't have to pick her up every few feet. Over the months we had known each other I have grown to enjoy catching her.

The question that I wondered about the most was how she would act to our diet. She already couldn't stand the smell of blood. As a vampire would she grow to dislike blood even more? If so, what would she eat? Then again, most people can't smell blood but she is extra-sensitive to it. She might have an even stronger and more intense blood lust than a thirsty vampire.

Luckily, I would never ruin her life by biting her. There would be no chance of anything happening to her while I was around. That was the only good thing that I could do for Bella. Other than that, I only caused her harm and pain.

**A/n: Sorry it is short. It doesn't really have a purpose right now…but I am thinking of one. Be aggressive! Be-be Aggressive! B-e! A-g-g-r-e-s-s-i-v-e! (sorry I can't think of a better cheer…actually I even stole that cheer from someone else….)**

**CRITISIZE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Have a lovely weekend!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Some days you feel like putting down every though you have. Other days you would rather not. Today is a day straddling both of those lines for me. So prepare yourself for some less than me normal work.**

**Oh and remember that I am that weird person who enjoys and loves and saves really good criticisms. Oh and thanks for all of you who informed me about OOC. I tried counting how many reviews mentioned that but gave up after five. It is funny to know that people actually read these things. I always though that if I just wrote gibberish here no one would read it.**

**Like right now. See me rant! Okay. Now I am just writing to make it look like I have a lot to say.**

After several long moments of measuring Bella's breathing I confirmed her to be sound asleep again. I swiftly pulled her journal out from under her pillow and flipped through to the page I was just on.

On the next page she had scrawled more about her dream of me. She has switched from blue ink to a red colored pencil. The red made the paper look whiter. It was near the same color as my icy skin.

_Regarding my dream,_

_It was one of those dreams that stand out. I don't know why but it has been in my head all day. I can remember each detail as if I was standing in my dream._

_It was the first time I have dreamt of him. (by him I mean Edward of course, who else would I think about?) _

I smiled because she was thinking of me. It made my heart swell just knowing that she thought about me even when we had just met. It was logical, considering every human is enchanted by my kind's appearances, but it still made me feel like I had accomplished something.

_I don't know if it means anything, but I have a gut feeling that my mind was trying to tell me something. I may not understand it now, but perhaps in the near future these secrets may be unveiled._

_Edward was illuminated in my dream…maybe illuminated isn't the right word. Nor shining…I think that glowing would be the closest that I can come to describing it. Even though my dream was in the dark, his skin had a short of glowing shimmer to it. It was not only unbelievably attractive, but it was unreal. _

I thought about how close her description had been to what happened to me when I was in the sun. I wondered how Bella could guess or dream of something so accurately. I should ask Alice about that.

For another few pages, Bella described how I looked into great detail. She made me sound better than I was. Could she have had love affecting her description at the time she wrote this? Was it possible for her to have liked me so much as soon as it had been?

I read through some more of her entries. Some of them were short poems and others were about her life. This book was starting to seem like a collection of thoughts, rather than a diary pertaining to the happenings in her life.

_January 28, 2005_

_I think that no one else cares as much as I do for Edward Cullen. After the incident happened I thought that people would be flocking around Edward for saving my life. That isn't quite how things have been going so far._

She crossed out something here and I could read my name through the slashes she had made.

_I have always wondered what it is like to be immensely popular. Not that I have really wanted to be popular. Quite contraire, I find that when I feel best is during the time I have in solitude. Still, now for some reason I am, for lack of a better word, popular._

_Ever since that crash, I have been constantly thrust into the center of attention. To my dismay, I think that Tyler Crowley may have a crush on me. That would be three guys who like me at this school. I haven't even been here for 10 days and I am already admired by three boys! At my old school I was positive that no one knew of my existence…but in just a week I have 3 guys trying to hold my attention. It is dizzying!_

Little did she know, at that time she had more than just 3 guys that were 'crushing on her.' I could read the minds of the whole school and I knew that more than just three males admired her beauty. I was one of them, but unlike her other suitors I was the one who got her.

_With so many in pursuit of my affections, I am finding it more relaxing to be forced into silence by a teacher's lecture. With teacher's intolerance to noise I am able to ignore Mike, Eric and Tyler's talks._

I saw something crossed out and could read '_Edward seems to be_'. It looked like she either didn't know how to finish the sentence or was too embarrassed to write what she was thinking down.

She continued with even sloppier handwriting. Each word took me time to figure out. It was almost like reading hieroglyphics because it was so hard to guess the letters.

_I wonder why no one is interested in Edward. I have been asking everyone about Edward's role of being the superhero. No one at the schools seems to care. Why is it that he saves me and receives no attention and I am in the wrong spot at the wrong time (like I usually am) and get more attention than I need in my life?_

_Actually, no one even realized that Edward saved me. Jessica even said that she 'didn't see him by me at all,' which confirms my theory._

Her theory?

_I am more aware of Edward than anyone else is. I feel …_

She stopped writing here and skipped down to the next line without finishing her sentence. It was almost as frustrating as when she edited her thoughts from me.

_I think that I am guilty. I yelled at him in the hospital for saving me. Is there something wrong with me? Did I hit my head or something?_

_Now he hates me even more than he did on the very first day. While in biology I tried to talk to him. Rather than responding like a normal person would or even giving an answer just to be kind, he just nodded before turning away again. Is this some sort of code? Maybe he just hates me. Sometimes there isn't an explanation to everything in the world._

_So why am I still trying to analyze what he said…or rather nodded. He is ignoring me and I think that there is only one conclusion that makes sense. He is undoubtedly regretting ever saving my life._

_Yet, then when I think about it he isn't ignoring me. Sometimes in the middle of class when I shift in my seat he tenses and makes fists like he is angry… no furious would be a better word. So then it seems like he is aware of my presence._

_I think that I am becoming more infected with misery as he ignores me. By the end of the hour I felt depressed that I was so unworthy of his time that he wouldn't even speak to me._

_I think that I should e-mail Renee again. I e-mailed her this morning, but by now she has probably gotten all worried again. _

Bella had drawn a cute little smile at the end of the page to take up the rest of the space. I could almost see her drawing it right now.

In her next few pages she talked about me more and more. Even though I hadn't said anything to her during that whole week, she had a lot of information about me. She was very observant for a human. She had noted how my eyes grew darker throughout the week. She also noted how Mike Newton grew more confident around her when I was ignoring her. I remember how atrocious his thoughts had been. They had made me unexplainably protective and resentful during that week. I think it was jealousy.

She even wrote a haiku about the weather in Forks.

_The sky is dismal,_

_There is a storm approaching, _

_It looms overhead._

I thought about how inevitable it was for me to fall in love with her. Even if I tried there would be no way to resist what happened to my heart every time I looked at her. My lifeless heart that hadn't beaten for over a hundred years felt like it was alive when Bella was around.

**A/n2: Sorry the last chapter was boring. I was going to make this one longer than the last…but I think that I just got bored. So here it is. Unedited (like all of my stuff) and short.**

**Do I like reviews that are…**

**a)criticizing and picky**

**b)full of flames**

**c)a and b**

**d)sweet to the point of being annoying**

**e)useless, unhelpful stupid stuff like 'good' or 'nice'**

**Answer right and you may win the million dollar prize!!!!!!!**

**Jk. Sorry…my only prize is my love for you! But who doesn't want my love?**

**HOLY MACKERALS!!!!!!!!!! I have over a hundred reviews! What is wrong with you people!???? Go review some author who is better than I. Do it...NOW!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Did you know that ¾ people make up 75 of the population? Or did you know that 4/7 statistics are made up on the spot? If so than you may be concerned about Speechofrenia! This is a disorder that is caused by taking speech classes. Symptoms may include quoting 'memorial sayings and thoughtful ideas relevant to a topic,' using statistics and facts once out of every 30 words and thinking about the three common types of speeches.**

**Sorry guys but I have a speech due tomorrow and I am procrastinating. (When am I not) The story starts here!**

Isabella, my sweet angel, was still sleeping. Each breath she took, each pulse that her heart made was simply beautiful. It was breathtaking.

I focused back to her journal. It was easier to not let my thoughts get carried away while reading than looking at her. She had written a poem again. I think it was freeform, but there could be some kind of pattern that I wasn't seeing.

_The more I think of him,_

_The less real he seems._

_It is like catching water,_

_With your bare hands._

_Hopeless and Futile,_

_Yet I still try._

_I glance at him,_

_He turns away._

_My heart yearns for him._

_Eyes growing darker,_

_Every day._

_Love._

I expressed my delight at her poem by ginning beatifically. For once, I was certain about what Bella was saying. This poem was showing how she loved me. It may sound conceited, but I was absolutely positive that she was talking about me in this poem. During the time she wrote this, I must have been trying to shun her to drive her away from me. I was clearly unsuccessful, but this outcome worked to my advantage.

_Tuesday (It is March Already!)_

_Jessica called today. The phone call was very ridiculous. In my entirety on this planet, never have I felt so awkward while conversing to a friend on the telephone. (Not that I am a good phone speaker) I will try to recreate it but I think I won't be sucessful because I can't remember everything that was said._

_Here it is:_

_Jessica: Hey! Bella?_

_Me: Um..yes. _

_Jessica: Hey! It is me…Jess._

_Me: Oh hey Jess. What's up?_

_Jessica: Oh not much really. Well the other day I went to…_

_Me: (listens as she describes her very boring camping trip with a friend of hers I have never heard of)_

_Jessica: So, anyways… about that girl's choice dance…Are you going?_

_Me: Um…no._

_Jessica: Oh…you see cause I thought you were going to ask Mike._

_Me: No it is fine. You should ask him. Really._

_Jessica: Are you sure?_

_Me: Yes._

_Jessica: You wouldn't really mind?_

_Me: Not at all._

_Jessica: That is great! Wow thanks Bella! I can't believe it. Are you sure you won't be coming to the dance? We could go dress shopping together! I am sure that we could get some of the girls and have a like outing some day. We would have to go somewhere out of Forks of course! I mean the clothes here are soooo limited. There are only like five different styles of dresses here. I would be so mad if I saw half the girls wearing the exact same dress I had on…_

_The conversation went on forever. I think that Jessica thinks too highly of Mike, but who knows. To each his own I suppose. Mike really isn't my type._

I felt smug at reading that. Even though I already knew that Bella liked me more that him, it was still comforting to know that I didn't have competition.

_By the tone of voice, which I can not hope to replicate in this book, I had a feeling like Jessica was more interested in my popularity than me. It seemed like she was happier to be getting attention from being by me than having me as a friend. This is slightly disconcerting because so far she is my best friend who is a girl. So if my only friend was just in for attention, I wonder what everyone else's views of me are._

_Not that I care, or at least that is what I tell myself. Perhaps I do care slightly. I never really have been connected with my peers like some people are in novels. I never have had a best friend to paint my toenails or brush my hair. I never have even gone to a sleepover because when I was invited to one my grandfather dies so I had to go to a funeral instead._

I noted how Bella's life had so much tragedy in it. She had never even experienced some of the most normal human things.

_I think that my popularity is inexplicable. There is no reason behind it other than the fact that I am new here. Just a fresh face, nothing to get worked up about. Conceivably, it could be that seeing how Forks is such a typical small town, they welcome new faces with a tenfold more energy than in a larger town. I am most likely the newest thing her for at least a month._

_My newness is the only thing that propels my popularity. I am not exceedingly smart or pretty, _(Bella should have a higher opinion of herself) _and I don't deserve the attention that people are giving me. Inside I am just a shy quiet girl who likes to be by herself._

_Until now, I didn't even want people to have large conversations with me if I didn't know them. Well, that was until I met Edward. Now I crave just one tiny word. It is like I am thirsty for attention from him…_

Bella shirted and her breathing changed. Oh no. She was going to wake up. What to do? Did I have enough time to hide the journal under her pillow or would she notice? Should I put it somewhere else and move it back later? Too late. She turned over and saw me holding her journal.


	8. Chapter 8

BPOV:

I woke up and had that feeling of drowsiness still hovering above me. I wasn't sure whether I was still dreaming or if it had ended already. It was a weird lethargic sensation that happened to me every morning.

I turned over and blinked several times disbelieving my eyes. Surely, I was dreaming; because there was Edward holding my pillow book wide open in his lap. He couldn't…no he wouldn't have read it because that would be snooping through my personal and special things. That book contained my thoughts on everything…including him.

I felt my face turn red. I told myself that I was angry at him, not embarrassed. Edward was reading…no….no Edward wouldn't do that. It was just a dream.

I closed my eyes praying that it would go away when I opened them. It didn't.

"Edward?" I asked groggily and my voice was slightly unsteady. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, well, um…" He looked like he was trying to find words. If it was any other situation it would be hilarious because Edward was always equipped with the right thing to say. Normally, it was me who was dazed and incoherent. "You see…."

"How far have you gotten?" I asked getting straight to the point. Please say that you haven't read past where I met James….please say that you haven't read past the part where I met James…I chanted those words over and over in my head remembering everything I wrote when being babysat by Alice and Jasper in that hotel. I was bored and wrote some embarrassing things.

"Not far at all, really." He whispered so fast, it was hard to catch. "I only just picked it up and I decided that ifIreaditImightbecomeclosertoyouandthatisallIreallywantedtodoitisn'tmyfaultpleaseIjust…ohI'msorryBellaforgivemeplease?!"

I couldn't hear what he said, but I let it go because I saw that he really was only a few pages in.

"Fine," I sighed. "But don't read it again."

"I won't Bella." He smiled and murmured into my hair. "I promise you that. I was so bad. Please forgive me."

"Okay." I breathed; I was already dazzled. "Just don't make a habit of it…"

And with that, I fell back to sleep. My eyes felt heavy and I just let the doziness take over. The last thing I heard was Edward saying "Goodnight, my darling."

**THE END!**


	9. Chapter 9

A/n: Okay

A/n: Okay. I really was gonna leave it off at the end there with Edward giving up on the diary, but a lot of people have been asking for more and I thought it was rather fun to write. Also, would Edward actually just let something go? No! He wouldn't. Because he feels compelled to know everything. So… consider this a…Epilouge or something.

EPOV:

I watched Bella in her sleep for a moment with her blue journal still opened in my hands. Her breathing slipped back into a normal rhythmic pattern which happened when she was truly asleep. For many moments I was content just to watch her fluttering breathing, but then I felt the siren call of the journal in my hands.

I had sworn to her not to read it again. I had made a promise. To me a promise was a very important thing. Unlike the children of these days that threw the word around with no meaning, to me a promise was an oath. Although when I was a human we never said 'I promise.' We would always swear 'on our honor' and then we would be bound. To break such a thing was to loose ones honor. I wouldn't do such a thing. Especially not to Bella.

But the book looked so tempting. All of her thoughts that she never would say to me out loud were written in these pages. She could have more poetry in here. She had never shown me any poetry. I wondered if she was embarrassed by it. If I just skimmed through the book…

I hesitated. Bella's trust was an important thing to me. I could only imagine how hard it was for a human to trust a vampire in the first place…

The book could tell me so much though. All of those thoughtful moments she had that she never explained. I was tired of wondering how she thought of things. Her halfhearted explanations lacked so much.

My fingers opened the book without my willing them to do so. Testing my willpower I flipped through a few pages. I glanced at Bella sleeping still on the bed. _One entry…_ I swore to myself. _I'll only read one entry._

_Sunday the thirteenth. _

_I suppose the day should have warned me. I mean, what can a girl expect on the 13__th__ of anything. Thirteen is just a bad number. I got my period on the 13__th__ when I was 13. I once had to get stitches on the 13__th__. (although that was my fault for even thinking that I could balance on a ledge) _

_Well…the day has been interesting. I got to meet Edward's family. They were… not what I was expecting. I suppose I had seen them before. I saw most of them in school, but it was different to actually meet them. _

_But it was kind of weird. I mean, was I meeting my 'boyfriend's' family? Boyfriend is not a term to describe Edward. I don't think we are 'dating' or 'seeing each other' or anything. Yet, there is clearly something going on between us. Yesterday in the meadow… well… how can I explain that? He held me as I slept. I know he feels something for me, something that is more than a thirst for my blood. But what can I describe it as? Perhaps I am clueless. I've never dated anyone and I am seventeen years old. I've never even really liked anyone. (except for in middle school but that was just a pathetic crush on a cute guy. He never would have gone out with someone like me)_

_Well, I met them all. Edward's family. I had sort of met Alice before. I think she likes me. It's rather confusing to interpret vampire's actions… Rosalie seems to either hate me or she doesn't care at all about me. I can't tell. She intimidates me though. I won't lie. Jasper didn't say much so I can't say much about him. Emmett seems like a bear. In multiple senses. Esme is lovely and I think she is a perfect mother. She glows almost, but that might just be because of her golden hair. Carlisle is…oh darn. I forgot the word I had to describe him. I'll remember later._

There was another sentence that was hard to read. The pencil had smeared and it was difficult to read. I skipped over it and headed to the next paragraph.

_As odd as it is, I watched my 'boyfriend's' vampire family play baseball. His mother sat with me so I wouldn't feel lonely. I wasn't terribly lonely to be honest. I would have been fine, but I think they were almost as unsure to behave around me as I was around them. What a strange thing…_

_The speed of the game was incredible. I couldn't blink for fear of missing something important. For once watching sports was (dare I write it) entertaining. Whenever I was dragged along to watch Phil play a game, I was nearly half asleep. Renee loved it, but maybe that was because she loved Phil. I suppose the game was made even more interesting by the fact that Edward Cullen was playing. Perhaps I am more like my mother than I know…_

_Anyways, the game didn't last too long. It's hard to explain why. I wish I could write down everything I felt, but I really can't remember much clearly now. I just remember being so frightened. There were some vampires that were very different than the Cullens. With the Cullens I feel, maybe not comfortable, but at least not threatened. These three were very different. The look in Edward's eyes scared me. He looked so…_

_To sum it up, one of the vampires made me a target. It is some sort of sick game. Edward explained it to me. Basically he likes to chase around humans and make them terrified before he murders them. It's not for the thirst, but for the thrill of murder. If it was only me involved I think I would be less scared, but now I've gotten the entire Cullen family caught up in it. Charlie was in danger too. My smell apparently could lead James back to the house, so we made sure to make Charlie safe. I staged a tantrum of sorts. I used the same words my mother once threw at him. I was underhand and awful. There is no worse feeling. If I don't make it out alive he will always think I was unhappy living with him even though that is so far from the truth. My stay in Forks was undoubtedly the most important thing that has happened in my life. I don't regret moving there. I met Edward and I at least had Edward for a while. If I survive I am pretty sure I still will have Edward…_

_While I was at home I managed to grab this thing. I'm almost hoping that if I die someone will find it and show Charlie that I never really disliked Forks…_

_I don't want other people to know about the journal now. I'm writing in the bathroom so Alice and Jasper don't know. I know that Jasper can feel my emotions now, but my emotions have been so rollercoaster-like for the past 24 hours that I don't think he can tell much of a difference. Alice might have a vision of me writing, but I hope she is focusing on having more important visions. I can kind of tell she is having visions of me dying by the way she carefully talks about things with Jasper. I don't mind. I just hope this doesn't go on too much longer. _

The journal entry ended. I wanted to flip the page to read more but I swore to myself to only read one more. Closing the book with a certain firmness, I slid the journal under her pillow. She turned her head slightly and I froze. When she didn't move again I felt relief. I had read one more entry without getting caught. I stroked her hair and watched her sleep for the rest of the night.


End file.
